Dating With a Disability- Part Two

So I thought it might be a good idea to write a blog post on my experience of dating with a disability, especially as my boyfriend Rhys post was really well received.

I asked him to write a blog post for me on what his perspective is on dating someone with a disability, and any advice he would give. Safe to say, he wrote a really amazing piece and he explained exactly the point I was trying to make.

IT IS NO DIFFERENT TO DATING A HEALTHY PERSON.

People seem to think there is some advice to give for this, but it is literally just that. If you love someone, you love them no matter what. If they are the right person they will love you and embrace and love your disability too. Don't get me wrong, it has been hard on times, especially as I sometimes feel guilty if we have to go about things a different way.
It can be hard to show when I’m having a bad day, or flare up as it means that I am showing an incredibly vulnerable side but after having a long talk with Rhys I’ve realised that it is important to show my limits. One of my biggest worries was disclosing that I used to use wheelchair, and it is always in the back of my mind that some day it will be a possibility again since i've had my EDS diagnosis.

For the past couple of weeks, I have been having an awful pain flare. I am still managing to get by in work, but between the pain in my hips and legs and managing full time employment it has just left completely exhausted. I always feel guilty if I have to cancel any plans, or rearrange especially when those plans are with Rhys. Over time I have learnt that it doesn't matter that we aren't going on long walks or out clubbing every weekend, but just the fact that we are spending time together.

So here are my tip tips on dating with a disability!

Honesty

My advice for anyone who has a disability and is dating- Just be honest!
Be completely upfront and honest about your conditions as soon as you can, but don't disclose anything you aren't comfortable with. The sooner the other person knows, the sooner you will know if they are worth sticking around!

Communication

Explain what you can and can't do. Don't push yourself for anyone. If they are the right person they will do what it takes to make sure that you are comfortable, if they are annoyed at you for not being able to do something because you are in pain- they are not a nice person!

Patience

Give the other person time to come to terms with your disability. This doesn't mean that this gives them the right to treat you any less, but it can be different experience for someone if they are not familiar with your disability or chronic illness.

Time

The only way you will truly know if they are the right person is by giving the relationship time, and that goes for whether you are chronically ill, disabled or completely healthy. Life is unpredictable and full of surprises, but the most important thing is to not give up.


-Sophie

xx