Dating with a disability- Part one

Hi, I'm Rhys, Sophies boyfriend of 8 months. I'm writing this as Sophie asked me to share my experience of dating someone with a chronic illness.



I met Sophie on a dating app in October and she blew me away. We really hit it off and decided to meet up. The first few dates went really well and I looked her up on facebook so that I could add her on there.

This was when I first found out about the illnesses Sophie had. At first, the prospect of this was really scary and became even more so after a bit of time spent googling everything. This all came as a bit of a shock to me, as seeing Sophie you would never be able to tell.

Shortly after, Sophie actually brought this up and was able to explain a bit better. I could tell this was something that was difficult for her, and knew that her telling me all of this could leaving her thinking that she might've scared me away.

But would finding any of this out change anything about the amazing person that I had met?

Since I am here writing this its probably quite obvious that the answer was ‘no'. She is still beautiful, kind, funny and smart. None of that was going to change and why would it?

The time we have spent together has been perfect and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Even though we sometimes have to approach things a different way and take a bit more time doing them. I think this can sometimes be a bit frustrating for Sophie as we can't do things ‘normal' and have to take life a little slower on occasions.

One of the most important thing about our relationship would have to be honesty and being able to talk to each other about anything. I think this has really helped the two of us. I now have a better understanding of some of the limits to what we can do and I think Sophie is more comfortable being able to talk openly about how she is feeling.

Sophie asked if I would add a bit at the end with some tips for dating someone with a chronic illness, but I don't think there is anything special that you shouldn't be doing already for someone you are in a relationship with.

--Rhys 

Disabled and going to university?

So the summer is here! Exams are over! And you may be wondering what to do next. Do you do A Levels? Go to college? Go to university?!

These decisions are completely life-changing and are even more stressful when you have a disability or a chronic illness.

For me personally, I have had a wide range of experience when it comes to education. I have tried EVERYTHING. I have taken a year out, done part-time education, full-time education, self-studying and distance learning. I have had to change my career path and the way I study as a result of my EDS, and I have even left a brick university because of it.

However, that was my experience, and I have spoken to many people who have successfully completed university with their disability and in their own way. My biggest downfall was my complete stubbornness. I hate asking for help and felt that because I wasn't “disabled enough” during my time at university, I therefore, was not entitled to the help. 

So here are some tips on how to survive university with a disability.

1. Inform the university as soon as you can.


The best way to do this is to disclose it on your UCAS application! By doing it this way, the university can get in contact with you about the support you need before you even start your course.

2. Speak to your tutor and let them know of your condition.


Now you may think there isn't much point in doing this, especially if your course has quite a lot of students. For example, my university course had 100+ students. It's better to speak to your tutor so they can put a name to a face, but they can also see that you are trying. If you are completely honest with them, explain how your condition affects you, they are less likely to think that you haven't turned up to a lecture because you are hungover.

3. Apply for DSA if needed


This is a big must! This can help you so much, whether it is just a bit of extra income to having a helper attend lectures with you.
 
4. Speak to your disability officer


Make yourself known to your disability officer, they may be able to provide support for you that you didn't think was possible! 


5. Sort out support in lectures and exams


This is something that your disability officer can help with. You can get access to all sort of support that you should have had in secondary school, such as extra time in exams, a reader or a scribe. You can even get access to equipment to help you with your lectures that can come out of your DSA like recording equipment! Every little bit of support you get can go a long way!

6. Ask for help


Please whatever you do, don't do what I did. I was so stubborn that at times I refused help, which looking back is quite silly. If some offers you help, take it! If you need help, ask for it! You are not being a pain or a nuisance. You are paying a lot of money, giving up your time and energy to get your degree, you deserve the help.

7. Do not give up.


If attending mainstream university is not for you, then there are other ways. How about attending a college instead? Classes tend to be smaller so more likely to get support. Or how about Open University, or other means of distance learning?
University was ultimately the best and worst time of my life. I met so many wonderful people and had the experience of living on my own with complete strangers who turned out to be the most amazing people! That is something that money can’t buy, but it wasn't an easy decision for me to leave either!

The point I'm trying to make is that it doesn't matter if you don't graduate at 21 or if you can't get your degree in the way that society or schools say you should. It doesn't matter when you get there in your life, as long as you don't give up.


Sophie xxx